This past summer as I watched the subtle rising and falling of the tidal waters, it seemed as though the earth was breathing in perpetual slow motion. As I contemplated the rhythm of the tides, it appeared as though the land inhaled the water and then paused before exhaling. Then, after the exhalation, there was a momentary resting point when, once again, the earth inhaled. Twice each day, for every season, the rhythmic cycle of the tides repeats itself - no matter what. For me, these powerful constant tides symbolize life's inherent rhythms: like day and night, the changing seasons, the coming and going of each year, and now this winter, the passing from one millennium to the next. When I turn my awareness to these subtle, eternal rhythms of nature, and realize that my life and my body also contain inherent rhythms, I experience the connection to both the universe and myself.

However, it is so easy to forget life's rhythms until something stops us in our tracks and causes us to take notice. One morning, when pulling my canoe out to the water's edge - or at least what had been the water's edge - I discovered that the water had receded to such a point that I couldn't get close to the water. I had been counting on an early morning ride and found myself frustrated (a polite word for angry) at the ebb tide and wished for the more exciting high tide. I longed to paddle into the cool water, or to wade in its depths, feeling the waves lap against my legs. So here I was, standing by the edge of the would-be-water, only to find mud flats - dark, mucky and a bit smelly. Yuk! My rhythm - what I wanted - and the water's rhythm were not in sync.

While standing there, contemplating the receding water and exposed muck, and while feeling my negative feelings, I noticed some blue crabs scampering to bury themselves in the mud. Then I observed some bubbles emerging from the muck and fantasized about what creature would be buried under this gray-brown stuff. The more I looked, the more I saw. Slowly, I became aware of many forms of matter - the living and the dead, the beautiful and the ugly. There were empty shells - deserted and no longer useful, but containing mementos of the past. On the other hand, life was present - a great deal of life. There were snails that had crawled just out of reach of the water's touch. There were many forms of beautiful seaweed, in shapes and vibrant greens that now became exposed and sparkled in the sun. Minnows played in the little puddles of left-behind water. And the seagulls and terns flew in to find some pickings in the exposed bottom, and squawked louder and louder as they fought for their found treasures.

Meditating on this phenomenon of the tides, I realized that the tides symbolize the coming and going of things. Like the tides, nothing is constant, except change. We all experience this ebb and flow - the rhythm of the ups and downs, and the tug and pull of the ins and outs of life. New things, people and events are forever coming into our world and then often leave or fade away. At the very least, they evolve in subtle ways by changing their essence, their character or importance. They also change us, for in their comings and goings they leave us with an altered sense of who we are.

Ebb tides, the receding tides, the times when the water pulls back from the shore and exposes what lies beneath, are like those moments when life's happenings, or our own inner awareness, pull us into our depths, exposing the core of our being. The ebb tide is symbolic of the times of recession, the times when layers are peeled away and expose what has been hidden. Like my having to face the muck instead of riding in my canoe, life's ebb tides cause us to face our dark, unknown or forgotten recesses.

Like the ebb tides, life events vary in the amount of muck that is exposed. Sometimes the ebb tide leaves a shallow basin of water and much of the bottom remains hidden. At other times the waters are pulled out much further - exposing more of the dark bottom. But no matter how much the water recedes, the ground below still remains wet and in this wet, seemingly empty space, life exists. And, despite the fact that we often become angry or fearful at having to face the exposure of our subconscious or unconscious material, we can feel optimistic because there are treasures to be found. We must remember that the muck of our life exists whether it is hidden by the waters of denial or is lying on the surface, exposed to awareness.

Life's ebb tides are experienced at various levels. Sometimes they are experienced on a psychological/emotional level, like when someone comes out of denial and faces reality. This happens when someone remembers being abused as a child and plummets into the unknown of acknowledging the memories and associated pain, or when someone strips away the layers of denial to deal with the fact that he or she is an alcoholic or drug addict. Another level of exposure often occurs in times of crisis, such as, during illness, or when a loved one has passed away. And still another level occurs when someone chooses to plummet deeper into their spiritual selves by questioning their belief systems and faith. These times often occur as a natural part of the aging and/or maturing process, when we tend to naturally question more about the meaning of life and our relationship to the universal whole.

Whether psychological or spiritual, these ebb tides of life involve a choice. We can choose if we want to learn something from the experience, and even what we want to learn. It can be our choice to use the most extreme ebb tides in ways that heal us and help us grow, both emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes we can plan the depth of learning - at least in terms of making the conscious choice to pull back some layers and go deeper. Sometimes life blindsides us, and the ebb tide comes upon us with terrifying speed.

* * *

We are all now entering a predictable and natural ebb tide of life. At this year's end, we are not only facing the beginning of a new year, but also the receding of one millennium and the inflow of the new. As we pass through this natural process of the change of seasons and the year, as well as the change of the millennium, we face a momentous occasion - a powerful time to look deeply within and take an inventory of our lives, the life of our planet and our relationship to the universal whole.

We are coming to a natural moment of time - a time so mystically powerful that has caused many civilizations, such as the Egyptians and visionaries like Nostradamas and Edgar Cayce, to predict cataclysmic changes. Many have pointed to the possibility of a major spiritual, physical, emotional, ecological shift. According to some, only those who are emotionally and spiritually prepared will survive. None of us really know if the shift of this millennium's tide will be catastrophic. But what we can know is that now is a fantastic time to search for what lies as the bottom of our personal tidal basin. This is a powerful time to purposefully create major shifts in our lives - hopefully for the better.

The millennium is not the only natural rhythm of life. Winter, which we are now entering, is the ebb tide of seasons. During winter, all life around us seems to recede. Leaves drop off the trees exposing the trunk, the branches and the textures of the bark. The patterns of the bare trees emerge against the winter sky and the wilted and dead flowers expose the texture of the bare soil. During this natural time of recession, we can choose to do some inner work. We can choose to dig deeply beneath the surface of our egos and defenses in order to recede into our inner selves and learn more about our hidden treasures as well as discover what is emotionally difficult or dead for us, so all of it can be dealt with. This particular winter - as we let go of the old millennium and move into the new - is a perfect time to go voluntarily deeper into the recesses of our psyche. No matter what form our personal millennium takes, it is a great time to clear away the debris of the past year, the past decade, and even the past century. (Yes, we all contain fragments from our origins - our cultures and our ancestors that perhaps would be good to clear out.) It is time to create a space for the new.

The ending of the day and the beginning of nighttime is another naturally occurring rhythm. The day's ebbing away leads us into sleep and dreamtime and the possibility of doing a deep inner search. Sleep time is a great time for self-examination - a time when we can delve into those dark recesses of our psyche and find clues about the issues or things that we deny and need to be dealt with because they are contaminating the waters of our lives. Often a dream will trigger a desire to know ourselves better. Cheryl brought to therapy a dream that told her she needed to go deeper. She dreamed that she was swimming in shallow water watching the crabs. Suddenly a man was lying on top of her. His weight was pushing her deeper and deeper into the bottom. He was so heavy she couldn't move him, or herself, and she began to panic. At this point she woke up. In her therapy session, Cheryl did a guided imagery, during which she dialogued with the man and asked him why he was keeping her down on the bottom. In her mind, his response was, "You don't have the courage to stay down there and search, and so I am trying to help you." In fact, in her therapy Cheryl had been fearful of going deeper into some important issues.

Another client dreamed that he was descending a stairwell, going deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of a basement. On the wall in glowing red letters was written the word "fear" and a red imprint of a hand. He awakened terrified. He then realized that there was something he must look at, and as he did he also became aware that the red hand was symbolic of his gift to heal - a gift he had been afraid to claim and use. Again, the natural, rhythmic ebb-tides of life, like the ending of a millennium, a year, a season, or a day as it moves into night, are all times that we can use as reminders to go deeper in our core.

However, the ebb tides of life are not always a product of a natural rhythm. Sometimes they occur when we least expect it, like when something catches us off guard and causes us to take a hard look at a here-to-fore uncovered aspect of our being. These are the times when we feel slammed, or sideswiped by life's events. These are the times that often cause pain, grief, fear, or shame to surface. These are the times when old wounds are reopened and feel raw to the touch. These times occur, for example, when we feel betrayed by a friend, when we are seriously ill, or when a loved-one passes away. At these times feelings, needs, and memories, etc. that have been hidden in our unconscious become exposed. When these sudden, forceful ebb tides of life occur, we are emotionally and spiritually propelled to take a deeper look into our lives and ourselves. At these moments we realize that we are in a position to see what is truly meaningful - if we allow ourselves to do so. During these moments, the surface of life - what we typically see, hear, and feel - has been stripped away and a shadowy, dark, often murky, part of the self becomes exposed. We must remember that "murky" is not negative. It merely describes a part of us that is hidden from our own conscious awareness. Once this has been exposed, we will be able to see it, and/or use it, as a positive part of ourselves.

This happened to Jena. Jena had been a long-time friend of Beth. They had played together as children and spent much time together as they grew up. During the time of getting married and having children, they shared a multitude of intimate moments, deep feelings and a few guarded secrets. As adults their families enjoyed many fun times together. However, a crisis point in the relationship came when - in a moment of anger - Beth shared a secret with Jena's husband a secret from Jena's deep, dark past. Jena had once had an abortion and never told her husband. It didn't matter that Beth instantly regretted her betrayal. The verbal missile had already been launched and there was no way to repair the damage.

On the surface, Jena and her husband Bob had a good relationship. They were mutually kind, gentle, and loving to each other. However, the relationship lacked the depth of intimacy either one desired. This betrayal pushed all of the surface niceness aside, and instantly plunged Jena and Bob into the deep muck of the ebb tide. They were forced to dig around and ask themselves many questions: "Why was it necessary to keep secrets from each other?" "How could they rebuild trust and move their intimacy to a deeper level?" At this point in the crisis, Jena and Bob were put in the position of having to make a choice. They could either examine the depths of their relationship and confront their fears about intimacy, or they could separate. Their choice was to look beneath the surface and see what was getting in the way of their having a true intimacy. Jena, in particular, had to look at her history and uncover why it was necessary for her to keep secrets from Bob. They entered a couples' group and through hard work, their relationship is now much deeper, and richer.

Unlike nature's ebb tides, the timing of life's recessions - when something familiar is stripped away, and a new layer exposed - is not always predictable. Nor do they usually happen in the way we would like. Often they seem to appear out of nowhere and instantly make us feel as though we have been whacked on the side of the head. Sally was running on a biking/walking path, dreaming of the beach when a 10-year old on his bicycle slammed her into from behind. As Sally was being taken by ambulance to the hospital, she wondered what she had done wrong or why she deserved this. It took a couple of days for the shock and pain to subside, but gradually she began to use the incident to contemplate her life. At first she used the time to allow the surface chaos of her routine day to recede and expose the pain, fear, and anger about being blindsided. Once that was exposed, she then saw how pain, fear and anger had been lurking in the recesses of her psyche and affecting her life in general. Then Sally began to think about the incident symbolically. Why was it important for her to have some time of stillness - so important that the universe took care of it for her? She then used the downtime to develop an awareness of what she needed to clear out. Being blindsided is never fun and observing any incident with awareness from the witness's perspective is never easy. But, despite the sudden appearance and pain of these moments, they can still be very emotionally and spiritually productive.

The ebb tide not only reveals what lies underneath the surface waters, but as the ebb tide flows out, it alters its surroundings. Like these tides, we must continually be in motion, changing the landscape of our lives for the better. If we do not, like motionless water, we become like a cesspool. We stagnate and die an emotional and spiritual death. Without emotional, spiritual growth, we become flat and lifeless. When we stagnate, we lack the momentum to carve out new territory and forge new pathways. We have no power. Only with movement - a conscious, rhythmic, aware movement - can we maintain the momentum of growth.

However, we must be aware that stagnation should not be confused with silence and stillness, for they are the exact opposites. Stagnation is like a puddle left in a muddy field, and having no place to go it can only dry up. In life, stagnation is present when we find ourselves avoiding, procrastinating or denying. On the other hand - like the space between the income and outgoing tides - stillness is a time to rest, to contemplate, and to make a choice about the next move.

* * *

In the parts of the ocean where water is very deep, the ebb tide never reveals the bottom. Our egos are like this deep water, as they cover over many important parts of our being. As we grow from babies, through childhood, into adulthood, we develop our egos to help us cope with, as well as navigate an increasingly complex world. Our egos help us become fully developed individuals, with well-integrated lives - emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, and physically. However, our strong egos also include strong defenses that we must move through (not remove) to explore the depths of our psyches. Like a rock dropped through the deep water to the bottom of the sea, we must be able to penetrate our egos and drop into our inner selves - our intuitive, spiritual selves - our subconscious. Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, says in her book The Wisdom of No Escape, " . . . resisting the fact that we change and flow like the weather, that we have the same energy as all living things, resisting that is what's called the ego." According to Pema, all resistance causes suffering. To avoid this suffering, we can choose to move through our resistant egos.

No matter how strong our egos, or how complicated and thick our defenses, we can choose to purposefully explore our deep recesses. We must keep in mind that no matter how calm or deep the waters, water always distorts the impression of what lies beneath. Our egos ­ are those parts of us that are on the surface - those parts we present to the world, that hold our fears and resistance and often distort what lies in the deeper layers of our psyches. The choice to move through our egos and enter into the world of the inner self is often triggered by an restlessness about life, a gnawing dissatisfaction or perhaps a new desire to learn more about who we are in this world - out of plain curiosity.

There are many ways to move through the ego. We can use meditation or other awareness exercises. We can enter into therapy, we can take a sabbatical, or go on a retreat to create time and a safe container to dive within. Creating a safe container is like putting on a diving suit with oxygen in order to explore the ocean floor. This safe container gives support while we explore unknown territory. The same is true when we explore the depths of the self. With a safe environment and support, we become more comfortable with the process of self-discovery. In turn, we can see everything as a part of the rhythm of life, and create a unity within ourselves and then between ourselves and the world around us.

However, when the waters of life are calm, it is so easy to stay on the surface. When the waters of life are rough, we are much more apt to move to a deeper level. Interestingly, the calmest waters are always toward the bottom. We forget that the surface -although familiar - is pushed and ruffled by the winds and therefore roughest. To grow and change and hopefully mature, we must be able to penetrate these surface layers and seek what lies beneath. Then we must remember that only at the depths do we begin to see the whole picture, the whole truth about who we are as individuals in this world.

We must also remember that the tides exist because of a unified whole. The ground, the water and the forces of earth and sky work together to create the great rhythmic breath of the tides. We must also keep in mind that even though the tides come and go, the waters move, and the earth shifts, that the water and earth still remain. Like Pema Chodron, the Buddhist nun, says in her book The Wisdom of No Escape while speaking of Buddhist dharma, " the first noble truth recognizes that we also change like the weather, we ebb and flow like the tides, we wax and wane like the moon. We do that, and there's no reason to resist. If we resist it, the reality and vitality of life become misery, a hell."

* * *

We enter this new millennium facing a natural and powerful ebb tide of time. If we can tap into the natural rhythm and feel our connection to it, we have the possibility to use the power of this dynamic moment to enhance our emotional and spiritual growth.

To mark this occasion, people are participating in elaborate celebrations and gatherings, or even excursions into foreign, exotic lands. This can be powerful and exciting. However, I encourage all of you to not look to your external environment for the big changes in your lives. The most satisfying and long-lasting changes occur within the deep recesses of the self. No matter where you happen to be during this shifting of the tides of time, I encourage you to use this auspicious occasion to create your own millennium rituals, which speak to your inner spirit and resonate with your soul. To accomplish this, you could include music, dance, poetry, food, healing aromas, meditation, guided imagery, a reading of the Tarot, or the I Ching - whatever your spirit moves you to do. This ritual can be done individually, or with one other person. But, I encourage you to make it quiet and private. During this ritual, focus on pulling back the waters of the ego and allowing the deep inner self to be exposed. Go into the core of your being and let the awareness arise within you about what you want to let go of, what you desire and what you want to manifest in your life during the beginning of this new millennium.

As we watch the ebbing of the old millennium, and the incoming tide of the new millennium, let us rejoice in renewed possibilities. Let us use the movement of the tides of time as a time to transition from denial and fear to a time of awareness and inner peace.

Carol Kurtz Walsh is a psychotherapist, writer and artist located at 4802 Montgomery Lane, Bethesda, MD. To learn more about her offerings, or to see the illustration at the beginning of this article in color, check her new web site at WWW.ckwalsh.com. You can also call her at (301-656-6420).