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Addiction Relapse Prevention During Traumatic Times: Part 1 - Questioning the 'Higher Power'
James Garrett, CSW and Dr. Judith Landau 
Go to a 12 Step meeting this past week and you will hear a level of confusion, anger, grief and support that goes to the very depth of the soul; to the very depth of recovery; to the edge of relapse, and back into recovery again.
This article is meant to provide a level of understanding about the interplay between recovery from addiction, relapse prevention and the trauma brought on by the terrorist attacks. We hope that it will support those in recovery from addiction who have been able to maintain their spiritual center and work the Steps, guidance to those who are close to relapse, and hope and determination to those who have relapsed.
Questioning the “Higher Power”
The cornerstone of 12 Step recovery is a belief in a Higher Power, as each individual understands him/her. We are taught to develop faith in our Higher Power and to turn our will and our lives over to this Higher Power. We are guided to acknowledge that there are no accidents in life, including our being in recovery. All things happen for a reason. We aren’t meant to understand all of life--we only have to do the next clean and sober thing. The Higher Power will take care of the rest as long as we do our part. We are encouraged to believe that we are spiritual beings having a human experience.
The notion of letting go of “my control” and stopping “my ego” from running the show are the principles behind the 2nd and 3rd Steps. The notion of “self-will run riot” presents a clear picture of the need to turn our will over to our Higher Power. One look at the problems and chaos in our lives when we were active in addiction vividly demonstrates what resulted from our will and our running things. If we take back our will, it is inevitable that we would end up back in the same place of insanity and chaos.
So what happens if we are so horrified, shocked, saddened, and angry at the events of 9/11/01 that we start to question our Higher Power. You may have thought, or heard others say, “If you are so loving and caring, how could you let this tragedy happen to so many innocent people?”
“How could you bring so much devastation into a family and cause so many innocent children to lose a parent?”
“What happens if we end up with a major war, or biological warfare, and even more people are killed--how could you have this in your plan? I thought you were a loving and caring being.”
“I don’t think I can trust a Higher Power who would let something like this happen.”
Maintaining trust, keeping faith and staying positive during such times of questioning is very difficult. However, it is healthy and important to ask the difficult questions. It is healthy to feel the depth of mistrust, as long as we are doing it with another recovering person, and not alone. For it is in the “we” of the program that balance in our thinking and feelings develop. Alone, we are doomed to repeat the past because, inevitably, the thinking that got us into trouble in the first place will lead us back into the addiction. We will find ways to run from our fear rather than face the fear and recover.
Perhaps some of these following thoughts and suggestions that came from other recovering individuals will help you maintain focus on recovery and stay open with your feelings.
Joe H.
Keep in mind that what happened on 9/11/01 was the result of behavior that came from individual will, not the will of your Higher Power. Just like when you were using, your behavior was the result of your self-will run riot, not your Higher Power’s will guiding you to do the next clean and sober thing.
Mary P.
Each year in America there are some 22,000 of us killed by handguns and over 16,000 killed by drunken drivers. We live in a violent society and this act of terrorism is not an isolated incident in our lives when looked at from the bigger perspective. Stay close to the rooms when you start to feel shaky.
Ron W.
When our self-will was out of control, what miracle guided us into recovery and a life of freedom? We know first hand what it is like to be controlled by something greater than ourselves, controlled by something we hate, something we want to destroy. Yet, reflect and think of who and what was being destroyed by the active addiction. We were destroying ourselves, and those closest to us--our families and loved ones. Somehow, our Higher Power never gave up on us, even when we had given up on ourselves, and our loved ones had given up due to our repeated deceitful actions. It is that same hope that we are asked to maintain during these horrific times.
Kathy J.
We are reminded, time and time again, that “I am not given anything thing that I am not ready to handle in my recovery”. This includes painful events as well as joyous ones. The heart-warming stories told to us by the families and friends of those who died in the terrorist acts focus on their grieving and loss. We identify. This identification comes because many of us have heard from our families and friends about their grieving and feelings of loss when we were active in our addiction. How many times have we heard a loved one say to us, “I felt like I did not know who you had become. I was living with a stranger. It was like the real you had died.” The tragic losses of 9/11 can be a reminder of the grief and loss we caused others due to our addiction. Keeping this upfront can be a reminder of the miracle of recovery and help in working the 9th Step with those we have harmed.
The bottom line is that there is nothing that will improve if I drink or drug today. Working the Program, not the problem, will keep you sane in an “insane” world.
Do I Need Professional Help?
Each of us will experience some degree of sadness, anger, anxiety and vulnerability from the terrorist attack and it’s aftermath. We are also more likely to experience such physical symptoms as reduced concentration, headaches, nausea, shakiness and insomnia If you find that you are not taking good care of yourself, and have significant urges to cope with the tragedy in a dysfunctional way, such as by self-medicating with alcohol or drugs, over eating, gambling, over using sex, having thoughts of self-harm or what ever else you have used in the past, it is probably time to seek professional help.
About the authors: James Garrett, CSW and Dr. Judith Landau
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