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Jennifer's Story:
At the age of 14, Jennifer is not happy with her life. She believes she is getting fat, her skin is breaking out, and it seems like everyone has a boyfriend except her. Here is her story…
Jennifer:
I just don't like what's happening in my life. I remember two years ago when my life seemed pretty good. I had a lot of friends at school, I was thin and looked good in my clothes, my girlfriends and I were always doing fun adventures together. Now my best girlfriend never wants to do anything with me because she is always with Jack - her new boyfriend. I don’t get asked out on dates. I feel too ugly and depressed to go out even if I were invited somewhere. I stay home and drink soda pop and eat ice cream when I'm depressed. Then I feel worse. I toss and turn all night wondering what my life is becoming.
The Therapist says:
Jennifer, what you are going through is a very normal stage of growing up. You're going through a rite of passage into womanhood. You are aware of everything you're losing but can't yet see the benefits of womanhood looming ahead.
Going through a symbolic transition ritual often helps teenagers move through this awkward stage. I can talk to your parents about finding a local group that conducts these kinds of rite of passage rituals for teens. By moving through this phase of your life with loving guidance from other women, you'll emerge as the shining beautiful woman who is blossoming inside of you right now.
On an emotional level, it will help you to sit every morning before school and visualize the woman you want to become. See yourself as a blossoming flower becoming more radiant each day. See your inner and outer beauty. Hold that picture throughout the day. Don't carry the picture that you describe now as being overweight and ugly. That is not a true image and it is not who you are becoming. I want you to draw in your journal each day. Draw a portrait of who you are becoming - the beautiful new you. Use that image to guide you through this phase.
Now, on the social level, remember that many girls (such as your best friend) may be coping with the same anxieties as you are. However, they're handling it differently. By getting a boyfriend and spending so much time with him, your girlfriend is probably trying to avoid feeling the things you're feeling. It's to your advantage to look inside of yourself now and find your strength - without hanging on to a boyfriend.
Find other girlfriends who still want to do fun adventures with you. Spend some "girlfriend" time with your mom. Share your feelings with her if that feels safe to you. If not, see if there is a counselor at your school who you can talk to. Find an older woman who can nurture you through these growing pains.
It helps to read books that show women expressing the anxieties and feelings that you're experiencing. There are classics in literature such as Little Women and the Diary of Anne Frank. Your school counselor can suggest others.
On a physical level, we need to get you in balance. Are you doing any sports or anything physical now? Find something you can love, whether it's gymnastics, dance, soccer, hiking, or running and put your passion into it. This will help you feel more comfortable inside your changing body. Also, it will help you maintain a healthy weight during this time.
Jennifer's Get Healthy Plan:
I can help you with some easy steps that will get you feeling better. First, let's look at your diet. You mentioned drinking too much soda pop. I'm going to ask you to go for one week without any soda pop. When you're thirsty drink mineral water (the bubbles will remind you of drinking soda). This will get rid of the massive doses of sugar and caffeine that you're pouring into your system every day. This alone will help you feel more energetic, help clean up your skin, and help you lose a little weight.
Teens love to eat sugar. However it worsens every problem they're experiencing from mood swings to acne to weight gain. Remember you can control some of the things going on inside of you right now. Eliminating or reducing sugar can be like a secret weapon in your life. Within a few weeks of doing that, you will look and feel different.
If you eat at a school cafeteria, always get a green salad and load up on vegetables. Just skip the dessert or tell yourself you'll only have dessert on Fridays. Load up on the healthy foods. Bring a bag of almonds to school and munch on them when you're hungry. Think of eating more protein for energy rather than sugary snacks.
I want you to ask your mom to buy you a good multi-vitamin/mineral supplement. Explain to her that taking more nutrients into your system will help clear up your skin. You especially need minerals such as zinc for your skin. And more B-vitamins will help stabilize your moods.
Also, try an extra Vitamin C supplement. Some people suggest that 2,000 mg. of Vitamin C per day can greatly improve skin conditions. If your skin doesn't improve, ask your mom to take you to a good dermatologist. They have many ways of helping you to get clear, beautiful skin.
Try some homeopathic remedies for your depression. If you're feeling the loss of your former happy years, try the remedy Ignatia. Try Calms Forte to help you get a good night's sleep.
Carry the flower remedy called Rescue Remedy around with you. When you're feeling upset at school or like no one likes you - take a few drops of Rescue Remedy. There are other flower remedies that can help as well. Read the book Bach Flower Remedies for Children by Barbara Mazzarella. It will help you pick out the perfect remedy.
When you're having a very bad day, try the herb St. John's Wort. The liquid tincture works best and be sure to follow the dosage instructions. And please keep a daily journal that will help you see the progress you're making.
Jennifer's Journal:
Yesterday, I drew a picture of who I can become as a woman, and I love it! I think of that image throughout the day, and it helps me feel more confident. I've always loved jogging and hadn't been doing it for the past year. Now I've bought some new jogging shoes and have been running every morning. That makes me feel so much more stable and happy. I'm trying to cut out some of the sugar. It's hard. Everyone drinks soda at school. But I'm not drinking it at home anymore. And I have been choosing better foods at school. No more desserts. We'll see how it goes.
Get Healthy Products:
Mineral water
Almonds
Multi-vitamin/mineral supplement
Zinc
B-vitamins
Vitamin C
Homeopathic remedies
Ignatia
Calms Forte
Rescue Remedy
Bach Flower Remedies for Children
St. John's Wort
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